Thursday, August 9, 2012

I'm giving up

This is not the post I wanted to be writing. Even though I've put it off for a while now, it's time to face facts.

About a month ago I was feeling pretty good, good enough that I decided to start running again and see how things went. So I started running, slow, short runs to test the water; think one mile runs. It definitely proved that I wasn't yet 100% but it was encouraging. Then came that run one Monday; it was about 2.5 miles and the pace was faster but not crazy. I could tell during that the Achilles wasn't good, and it wasn't, and it continued to not be for days afterwards. Not painful per se, but worse than it had been. All of which just proved to me that I still wasn't ready to run. And I have no idea when I will be.

So what, right? I've gone this long, what's another month or two? What changed is that I happened to look at my calendar the other day.  This is what I saw:

I put those entries into my calendar within days of running my qualify time back in October. With ten separate alerts tied to the appointments to remind me to register I would say that I was a bit excited. Now, reality is crashing down on me.

At this point I am all but out of time to start any sort of training regime. I kept telling myself as one month of not running turned to three which turned to nine which now has no end in site that there was time. Always more time. Maybe I wouldn't be shooting for a 2:55 but I'd be ready to run a nice solid marathon. Now I need to realize that those dreams are rapidly fading away. If I was 100% ready to run right now I could still be ready, but I'm far from that point.

So I'm left with only a couple of options. Register as planned, hope for the best, and maybe put in a weak showing during the marathon. All the while hoping that I've healed enough to not make things worse during training and the race. Or, scrap all plans on running Boston. This second option really pisses me off though. Not running means that all that work and training was ultimately for nothing. Yes I will always be thrilled with my last marathon time and I'm happy I ran it, but the intent was to qualify for Boston. Not being able to run is, in my mind, a failure. Whenever I think about the situation all I can hear in my mind is this clip from Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory:

Except, unlike Charlie, I did nothing wrong. In fact, I did everything right and yet I still lose. So when I said that it was time to face facts at the beginning of this post what I meant was that it is a growing fact that no good will come of this situation. The silver lining I tried so desperately to cling to is slipping away and I can see that at best I may be at the starting line this April. Or not. Either way it's a shitty situation I find myself in right now and I'm really tired of it.

1 comment:

  1. Hmmm. I could've written that last paragraph...
    Anyway... I say register. You can start training in December and still have an awesome race.
    YOu really could. Do a bunch of strength work (think TRX stuff), cross train. Chill out. See a doctor about breaking up the scar tissue. Four months is enough time to run a really solid marathon.